Learning To Fail
Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 09:43PM During my residency interviews, I remember one question more vividly than the rest. I was asked this question by multiple programs, and it stuck in my head long after the match was completed. “How will you handle failure?” At the time of the interview, I discussed picking up the pieces, learning from my mistakes, and becoming a stronger pharmacist. Yet in my head, I was thinking that I will just be proactive and never fail. If I work harder than I have ever worked before and make personal sacrifices of sleep and sanity to be a good resident, I will avoid failure. Six months of residency has proved me wrong.
Regardless of how hard you try, as a resident there will come a point when you are trying to juggle so many balls that one of them drops. As cliché as it sounds, one of the most important lessons I have learned in the last month of residency training is learning to forgive yourself for dropping the ball. I make mistakes, I sometimes cry after a bad day, and I am not always as prepared as I should be for a topic discussion. Today, I had a topic discussion about Rapid Sequence Intubation as part of my Emergency Medicine Rotation. I found articles and read about the topic, yet my mind completely blanked when it came time to discuss with my preceptor. Once it became painfully obvious that I did not know the answer to most of her questions, we decided to call it quits and try again tomorrow. She told me it was okay, and emphasized the importance of reviewing the material tonight. I haven’t stopped beating myself up since. You might be smiling right now that my learning to fail moment was not being as prepared as I should be for a topic discussion, but if you would have heard the deafening silence in the room during my failure to produce the correct answer, you would understand.
This is my declaration to the pharmacy world that I have let the ball drop, and I have forgiven myself for it. I have picked up the ball, read more articles, made an outline of my notes, and reviewed the material with my supportive co-residents. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and I am going to give the best topic discussion of my life. Will I fail again? Yes. Have I started to develop the essential life skills to know how to handle a dropped ball? Absolutely.

